Once a child has left home to try to make it on their own, "They can NEVER come home again." It just isn't home.

In 1980 I had a son to get out of a marriage he should have never gotten into. He came back. Rule one: Keep you job and you paid rent there, you'll pay it here. Rule two: Rule two: Don't care where you go, just want to know when you'll be home. Rule three: Let your mother and father know when you come in (so they can go to sleep. Note, where they're going should be of no concern to the parent. The returnee can have complete run of the house. Rule five: Get your act together, there is no free ride, I'll help pay your rent bujt I'll not buy groceries, make car payments or pay car insurance. Welcome home. Today my son is 48, happily married and has to wonderful sweet kids (my grandkids) By the way: The rent he paid was given back to him when he moved out on his own again. He cried.

I to my daughter when she was leaving home that once she left, I'd pay her rent to keep her from returning home. I would have applied the same rules above to her, but she was only 17 then, senior in high school and wanted to spread her wings. After she and I sat down and did her budget, she stayed home and I never hear anything else about her moving out until she got married. Today he is 50 years old, the mother of two boys and 3 grandchildren.

Well this topic is something I would like to see others respond to.
We have 4 children, One went to college graduated and was without a job for several months and was living here until she found a job back where she went to school.
Our second child floundered for 3 years following graduation from high school and 2 attempts at college, is now serving in the Army and is presently in Iraq. He says that he has learned a lot while being enlisted and would like to see his children at least enlist for 2 years. Mind you he is not married yet and hopes to someday to be a parent. Both his dad and I tried very hard to talk him out of the enlistment.
Our third child presently living at home, 21 years old since September of 2007. He has caused great disturbance in our home in the past and as of last Wednesday was arrested after having wrecked his car with a passenger and himself under the influence of Alcohol 3 x the limit. DWI charges pending and court.
Our fourth child is still at home, he is working daily, is never late for work but he has learned from watching the other 3 how better to hide his antics.
Just because they grow to be 18-24 years of age and are still living at home does not mean that rules should be thrown out.
I struggle with the wanting to be treated as an adult yet not behaving as one.
There are those things that we have fought over vehemently and those things are the things that I will not tolerate in my home:
No parties that include alcohol, no girls staying overnight at my home, no smoking in my house, no drinking in my house, no sex in my home with your girlfreind or boyfriend, no porn viewing on computer, video or magazines. If you are going to do this it will not be in my home. The reason for these rules are they do nothing to promote a healthy relationship with God.
My father used to always say, "You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink." Everyone of my children know where I stand as far as Jesus Christ is concerned, they know that I believe that I have to answer to Him and His Father. They know that I take that very seriously. Boy have we had our fights over the rules. We have also had our moments that the consequences for doing such things will have reprocussions for disobeying them. Yes, there have been violations and displays of out right disregard for the rules. The consequences have been set and carried out as well.
I love my children, but we have been tested to the limit by one of them and we are still learning how to proceed in all of the matters presented to us as parents.
I am truly dissapointed that our boys especially have taken paths that are no where near where God would have any one of us go.
I was not a good Christian girl while I was growing up either. I will say, do not tell your children your past stories, I did and this did not help matters any. I trusted that it would help them and the choices that lie before them today. It didn't and it won't.
Finally, if you had rules before they left to go to school and feel that there are things that need some guidelines for now, then set the guidelines and stick to them. Also set what the consequences will be for not honoring their father and mother. Don't be wishy washy just because they are in college or 18 or older.
And don't be surprised if they will leave and not talk to you for a very long time. I have learned that satan is always ready in many friends to take them the way they are and to also introduce them to many other situations that he has control over.
I have shed many tears and offered many prayers for my parenting and my children. I by no means think that I am perfect as a parent and I know I could always do better. My heart is aching for my children and the society that we live in. Children hurt us much more deeply than can be explained and until you have one or two or any that do go astray from where God wanted them to be and to have a child or children turn their backs on Jesus Christ is devastating.
Others keep telling me that, this to shall pass. There are times that I cannot wait for Jesus to come back, it hurts so badly and deeply. Other times I think there is hope for them.
Kendra

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Kendra

Just because you have taught them the right things does not mean that they will always adhere to those teachings. There is not one parent on this earth that can claim to have put excellence into their children because no parent is excellent. My mother and father were good honest people and loved the Lord but I still made choices that did not exhibit the great qualities, proper and adequate training that my parents exhibited and taught to me on a daily basis.

Garbage in, garbage out, may be a correct term, but just because an adult child displays garbage does not mean that the parents have put it there or allowed for it to be there. It does not suggest that they did not give adequate or proper training. It does suggest that any human being is capable of doing whatever they please, however they please, but others don't get to exact judgement because their children may not display such individualism or strong headedness.
Any family that has had more than one child can tell you that each child is different and how they respond to certain discipline is different as well.

I have four children and three of them are not near as disrespectful as one of them is. The rules were the same for all of them. The consequences for lack of adherence was different for all of them. Still the one chooses to be disrespectful and to have a lack of reverence for us.

Excellence only comes from the Lord, not one human being can take credit for that. Unfortunately there are plenty of people out there willing to tell you how you should handle your children and a lot of them never had any of their own or they act as if they have all the answers for you and your situation just because they have more children than you do. Or they never had one ounce of trouble from their kids. As if every child is the same.

I want to please the Lord and my children are well aware of that. My children know what I believe and they know what I expect from them.
Jesus's children know if they actually read the Word, what is expected of them and they still chose to not heed their Father. Should we be amazed or shocked to find that our own children don't respect us even when we as parents want to please our Father in heaven.

Discipline for older children is just as important as when they were younger.

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Kendra